... states of soul are closer to home than states of mind.
Years ago, I underwent a period of grueling therapeutic work with a skilled and compassionate teacher who assisted me in facing and releasing traumatic content stored away from early childhood. The feelings which erupted were, at times, so chaotic and uncontrollable I felt stretched beyond my limits. I wanted to quit. One day, trekking home after a harrowing session, I took refuge in the sight of orange tiger lilies nodding in the breeze before a wood fence. In my vulnerable state they appeared pointlessly happy. I knew the sight of them was healing me, but I was still shaking and raw inside. A flash of insight occurred: No wonder people drink and do drugs rather than unearth this repressed pain, terror and dread that not a few parents bequeath to their children, all mixed up with love and good intentions.
In a session soon after, breakthrough came. The moments that a child could not cope with just let go. In that instant I got the full import of what was occurring in this one small life. Simultaneously, came a recognition of the unselfish commitment and almost super human good will of this man who cared enough to enter his client's hells to help them retrieve simple birthright innocence . Our eyes met in that moment. I felt as though my body might vanish into light and was grateful that the intensity of the experience was already starting to ease.
He smiled and said, 'This is a real feeling. A little bit different than the usual emotional stuff, isn't it.'
That's what I am struggling to point to as a 'state of soul.'
It didn't last more than a few seconds. But then, it didn't have to.
